A little summer humor :-)

Summer humor! Hot enough for you?

Summer humor! Hot enough for you?

A friend sent this to me as an email and I thought it would be fun to repost. This time of year in the desert can be toasty at best! I hope you enjoy the humor!

Beautiful Desert!

Just moved to the desert! Now this is a place that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm dry evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this… I’m turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th
The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it’s kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th
Fell asleep by the community pool (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

July 20th
I missed Fluffy (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Fluffy had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and poo. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol’ Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it’s hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $500 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now. $350,000 house and I can’t even go inside. Fluffy is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th
It’s 115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to 85… I hate this stupid place.

Aug. 8th
If another wise ass cracks, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ I’m going to strangle him. Stupid heat! By the time I get to work the car is overheating, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts so when I sat on the seats in the car I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th
The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It’s been too hot to do a thing for 2 months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,300 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can’t live in this heat.

Aug. 14th
Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 122 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Stupid desert! What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
Will write later to let you know how the trial goes…

I hope you have a great finish to your summer season. If I can be of any help answering questions about the desert life style, please call or email me.

1 comment to A little summer humor :-)

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